Setting the Standards.

I’m baaaa-AAAACK!  Yes, yes, I know….So we’re not going to even go there ;)  Let’s just say I grossly underestimated how busy and tired I would be between being an over-night counselor at children’s camp, keeping my house in order and going home for a vacation/ministry trip.  So let’s just skip all the excuses and go straight to the apology, I’m sorry, can you ever forgive me?  Thanks.  Moving on.

I’ve had some time to muse over this site in the past month and I found myself wondering if it was actually worth it to keep going.  I mean who in today’s society really wants to read a blog on modesty anyhow?  Nobody is interested in keeping their clothes on, most fashion labels are trying to find new ways to reveal as much of the female form as possible.  So why even try to fight a losing battle?

Most people think modesty is outdated and prudish.  That if you’re modest it means you’re boring and stuffy.  I mean come on, if I mention the word modest what’s the first picture to pop into your head?  Probably a girl with a long French braid in a turtle-neck and ankle-length jean skirt.  I mean really, who wants to be “modest” anyways?

I’d basically given up all hope or desire to continue this site as I really didn’t want to write something that no one was reading, and then I met Lisa.  As I said above, I was an overnight group leader for a children’s camp they put on here in Kansas City.  It was loads of fun, but also very challenging.  One of the girls I had the privilege to work with this past week was named Lisa (not her real name).  She was a 12 year old beauty that was well beyond her years.  Already at 12 years old, our culture had told her that her skin was too dark, that she was fat (at 98 pounds), that she had to wear lots of make-up to be pretty, and she had to flaunt her body in tight or skin baring clothes to be accepted.  Is this the standard we’re setting for the next generation?  Is this who we want them to grow up to be?

Lisa is a gorgeous Latin-American pre-teen who is being robbed of her childhood because we as a culture tell her she needs to grow up faster.  Who is setting the standard for young women anyhow?  Oh yeah, the media.  Magazine’s and TV shows that show unrealistic pictures of models and actresses who starve themselves to look the way they do.  We idolize these women who wear a size 0 and practically disappear if they turn to the side.  We tell young women that they have to look like these stick figures.  That they have to dress like them, act like them, be like them to be loved accepted and successful.

And it’s wrong.

It’s time to set a new standard.  I’m sick of being held to a standard that I will never achieve and won’t make me happy.  Baring my body for people to leer at a gossip about and starving myself so I can be one size smaller will never make me happy or fulfilled; whoever tells you differently is lying.

The truth is we’re all trying to fill a void.  We all crave acceptance and love, we want to be successful.  But we will never be fulfilled if we follow the ways of man and the world.  Only God can bring total fulfillment to our lives.  It’s as plain and simple as that.

As to what that has to do with this blog, well…I’m still in the process of completely figuring that one out.  But what I do know is that I am created in the image of God and it’s a privilege; not a right.  It’s wrong for me to hate my body or want to be someone else or looks another way, why?  Because I look like God!

So if I hate my body; I hate the image of God.

If I hate the way I look; I hate the handy work of God.

I am writing this blog because I believe in fighting for young women.  I believe in fighting for true beauty and real self-esteem.  I will continue to fight against the cultural norms that tell me I have to dress a certain way to be accepted.  I will continue to ask God what He feels on the subject and how the Bible translates into my everyday life.  I will continue to learn how to best reflect the image of God.

So why keep writing this blog?  Because there are girls out there who deserve to know the truth.

The Search for Modesty

Modesty…Who knew it’d be so hard to find?

I’ve been on a bit of a hunt lately…Since starting this blog I have been assailed with the question; “what is modesty?” over and over again.  It should be a huge part of our lives as Christians, but sadly because of the world we live in, it is seen as outdated and prudish.  What is real modesty?  What does it look like when it comes to living in the 21^st century?

While I’ve been contemplating these questions, I happened to come across a book in my school library with the title ‘The Beauty of Modesty’.  Of course I was so curious I just had to check it out!  I am barely two chapters in, but already I am so enthralled with this book I just have to share!  If you’re looking for a solid read to help jump start your mind and help change your outlook on modesty, check out this book by David & Diane Vaughan; ‘The Beauty of Modesty: Cultivating Virtue in the Face of a Vulgar Culture’.

Here are a few exerts on what they had to say about modesty;

“Modesty has fallen out of fashion.  Indeed, it is fair to say that since the sexual revolution of the sixties, modesty has ceased to be a serious subject of discussion.  Not only were many of our sexual mores buried beneath the radical rhetoric of “free love,” but the very notion of virtue itself became obsolete as we substituted self-expression for self-control and subjective values for objective truth.  But what began as a dream of paradise regained ended in the nightmare of the serpent’s seduction.  We find it difficult to talk about modesty because after a generation of sexual liberation, we have become desensitized to the flesh.  While gazing at the exposed female bodies that greet us in every shop, on every television program, in every workplace, we ask with a boorish frown, “Modesty?  What’s that?”

“Modesty is not bashfulness, shame or a sexual hang-up.  Then what is it?  Noah Webster defines modesty as “that lowly temper which accompanies a moderate estimate of one’s own worth and importance.  In females, modesty has the like character as in males; but the word is used also as synonymous with chastity, or purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle.  Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor.”

“Modesty means “dressing, acting and speaking with propriety, respect and moderation.”  Three words here are critical: propriety, which suggests regard for divine or social norms; respect, which means regard for others’ and one’s own conscience; and moderation, which is control of one’s disposition and habits.  Modesty deals with more than apparel or dress.  A woman may have her entire body covered and yet act or speak in an immodest way.  Modesty has to do with more than just clothes.  It governs every aspect of our lives.  Therefore, we will need to think not only to how we clothe our bodies, but also how we act and speak via our bodies.  As Christians we must learn to take responsibility for our appearance and behavior, and for the message I may send others.”

I was so impressed and grateful for what they had to say, as I feel that they have eloquently voiced a lot of my own opinions that I didn’t have the research or words for before.  All throughout the first chapter they do a beautiful job of explaining modesty, what modesty is not and inspiring you to be the best that you can be.  I really encourage you to check out their book if you’re looking for a good read, it is really helping to shape my worldview right now!

I really believe that modesty is a heart posture.  It has a lot to do with what’s going on on the inside.  If I respect myself and think highly of myself and the body God gave me, why wouldn’t I want to dress well and clothe myself in modesty?  It’s when our views of ourselves begin to slip that we allow our dress code to slip as well.

“You will never convince a boy [or anyone else] of your dignity until you first convince yourself.”  –Jason Evert